Play Date!

Saturday fun: go to Listful Thinking, and read How to use eHow to Turn Yourself into a Comedic Force to be Reckoned With.  You have to admire a blogger who, in difficult situations, asks herself: “What Would Sid Vicious Do?”

I had no idea eHow could be so incredibly entertaining.  I howled with laughter, thinking she was making this stuff up.  But I clicked the links.  Totally there.

You can type in “How to Look Like Pamela Anderson” and le voila.

I got so excited about the possibilities that my brain exploded, and I couldn’t think of a single thing I wanted to know how to do, when of course, I want to know how to do everything.

I mumble to self:  just start typing…that’s right…how…to…

Whoa.  This thing has autocomplete.   I scan the autocomplete list for how-to-something interesting. Right at the top:

How To Get Pregnant: Access Step by Step Instructions!

Really?  We need step by step instructions? “Access” is not a word you would use in a sentence to teach a child about pregnancy.  This is aimed at adults.  Since my brain is still on Egg Nog and Holiday Light Removal, I free associate:

How to Have a Virgin Birth

Scanning…scanning…Virgin MargaritasHome BirthSkit Ideas… (?)  Call me crazy, but I can’t imagine a virgin birth skit being a top priority on summer camp Talent Night. Still scanning….Bingo.

Virgin. Birth.

Granted, you have to be a shark, which is a tad scary when you contemplate the only other known virgin birth.  On the other hand, it might resolve the whole Darwin/Creation debate.  The virgin birth coinciding with fishies climbing out of the water?

Go Play.

Life’s pressing questions have answers that await:

  • How to keep your mother in law at a safe distance
  • How to buy your first Yacht
  • How to lie well
  • How to determine your chances of becoming a billionaire
  • How to stop eating cake
  • How to train a fish
  • How to whistle for a taxi with two fingers
  • How to make friends with a horse

We know that one, but it’s nice to know it’s out there for the general public.

So.  What did you ask?! I’m dying to know!  Favorite answer?

(Head’s up: family blog.)