A Dignified Horse’s Dilemma

Hudson here.

It’s that time of year when I am about to get body clipped.  I enjoy a good shave. It’s much more comfortable to work out in winter if I have less hair. Currently, it’s also quite hot during the day, and losing the fur coat would be a relief.  However, I have a problem.

Her name is Jane.

This is my butt after being clipped last winter:

I was a gentleman.  She IS basically twelve.  I was her new pony. She wanted hearts. I got hearts. I consider myself lucky she did not want pink hearts.

It’s a year later. Honestly, we should be over the New Pony stage of ownership.

Jane has not progressed. She still hangs on me, tells me all her angst (Not. Listening.) and is obsessive about grooming.  Fine. I am dealing.

I heard her talking to Bella yesterday about body clipping, they were trying to decide which “Tatts” to put on Dinero and myself.  I’m good with tattoos, they make a dude look cool.


Jane said, “Oh…I don’t know…I’m still attached to the hearts.  I can’t think of anything I like better?”

HELP. I don’t think I could cope with another year of hearts on my butt. You have no idea what it’s like around the other geldings. Especially if I attend roping practice. Dressage geldings appear to be somewhat….Meterosexual…in their masculinity, and put up with quite a bit of flowery crap.

Cow horses are a macho bunch. I went from being The Super Star roping horse to The Horse with Hearts. Oh, they all understand “New Pony” issues. But, um, their humans progress, and move on. Unlike mine.

Save me. Please.


Hair Today…

Our Holiday Horse Parade goes visiting today!  Go see Aarene at Haiku Farm for the full joy of the season.

Hair today and gone…maybe next Tuesday?  Please?  Hang on, let me clean my glasses.  Whew, glad it wasn’t hair on the screen.  I am SO itchy.

We body clipped.  Bella clipped Dinero, and Alice and I traded off clipping Hudson: in my case to learn to clip, and in Alice’s case, to practice.

Bella showed me how to adjust my massive 900 lb Heineger body clippers (gift from a friend who swore she was never, ever, clipping a horse again), how much pressure to apply, and other details.  Once I got “it’s like waxing, you have to stretch the skin”, I did better swaths.  Hudson didn’t move a hoof.  I did three nice long swaths up his neck before my body clippers went: chunka chunka chunka.  I fervently hoped I was doing something wrong.  (My mid-size clippers died a permanant death last week.)

I handed them over to Bella: she shook her head, and turned them off.

Great.  I now have a partially bald horse, and 2 dead clippers.  The remaining pair would be appropriate for body clipping an elderly hamster.  Note clipper size in relation to the AA battery pictured:

I open my mouth to wail. Before any sound can come out, Bella hands me her second pair of body clippers, and her second pair of medium size clippers.  Note to self: try to keep awe in control, and file “backups are good” in brain.

Continue reading “Hair Today…”

Holiday Horse Kick Off, and We Contemplate Body Clipping

TLH Annual Holiday Horses Parade!

With thanks to Cyndi from Living a Dream:

I’ll post ’em as they come in!

I bought a sparkly snowflake headband for Hudson (whoohahaha), as soon as it stops raining, he’s going to don it merry and bright.

Body Clipping

Alice and I are going to take body clipping lessons from Bella on Sunday.  Dinero and Hudson are going to get a trace clipped.  Alice and I are going to share clipping duty on Hudson.  It should be a blast, uneven, and very tiring.  All in all, totally fun.

I tried to explain clipping a horse to Shaun.  “Imagine clipping a car”, I said, trying to get across the enormity of a clip job.  “Now imagine clipping a car that’s chatty, hungry, bored, antsy, has an itchy fender, and is certain you have food. That’s ‘body clipping’ in a nutshell.”

Bella offered to clip a design on him, if I drew one.

I’m still in revenge mode (for the kick).

Continue reading “Holiday Horse Kick Off, and We Contemplate Body Clipping”