In Which We Are Not Dead, Appreciate You to Pieces, and Promise Daisy

To sum up my long absence:

1. I forgot how to use my words.
2. I misplaced my sense of humor.
3. My bed developed magical magnetic powers, coupled with this siren’s call: “Just pull the covers over your head. Voila. No more problems!”

Had I been operating on an emotional level a little greater than a three year old, I might have recognized this as a trick.

I may or may not have forgotten how to make a peanut butter sandwich. (You must admit, there is some degree of difficulty there: if we count opening TWO jars, and figuring out which slice of bread gets peanut butter, and which gets jelly.)

I’ve had a post-it note on my computer (fridge, mirror, closet, and most importantly…bed) with this quote from Winston Churchill: When you are going through hell…DON’T STOP.

Thank you for your wonderful encouraging comments and letters. So many days YOU kept me going. (Without one timely display of my great appreciation! Um. Sorry? Yeah, I didn’t think that would really help.)

Other days it was my friends.

Daisy, texting me: WHEN IN THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO POST ON YOUR BLOG?!? Write something, dammit!

Bella: Hey. The story you just told me? THAT would be a great blog post. (Pause) How long has it been now?

Hilary: I think people might miss you?

Daisy: PUT SOMETHING ON THE DAMN BLOG! Who cares if it sucks?

Alice (Feigning innocence): Oh. Are you still writing the blog? What’s on it now?

Bella: See? Another funny story. Perfect for the blog.

Hilary: You’ll get there. Or maybe not. But it’s okay!

Daisy: PROMISE ME. YOU WILL PUT SOMETHING UP ON THE BLOG. PROMISE!! Just tell people you’re not dead. I’m going to bug you till you promise. FYI next year doesn’t count.

I promised Daisy.

Our family has been through a lot of life changes. And surprise, we’re not dead! (It took me awhile to grasp the concept: Change does not = Death.)

I re-entered life in baby steps. Here’s my (tiny) funny story:

I was riding Woodrow for Bella, and ponying Hudson. It was rainy, cold and both wanted to go. Both are experts on either end of the pony experience. I wasn’t worried about speeding up. Off we went into a happy canter, Hudson staying perfectly at my knee.

I laughed when Hudson, still being the perfect pony horse, began bucking, bouncing and otherwise expressing joy on the end of his lead. Never pulling, never moving out of his “being ponied” bubble.

I was completely unconcerned.

Because in my gloom, I’d forgotten joy is contagious. Especially bucking joy.

Within seconds, Woodrow joined in (“Hey, if its okay for him, it must be okay for me, right?”).

Luckily, he still had on his “I’m still working” manners hat. He just lifted his rear 12 inches and kicked out. Or I would have been eating dirt. A lot of dirt. The boy is a TANK. And he out bucks any horse I’ve ever seen. (When turned out.)

It was a good reminder joy is contagious, and I need to be around folks who buck, leap, and kick out.

Which would be YOU.

68 thoughts on “In Which We Are Not Dead, Appreciate You to Pieces, and Promise Daisy

  1. OMG you are back! I was seriously getting worried! Definitely missed you. Welcome back and happy to hear things are getting better. Remember though…you don’t always need to be funny with us if that means we never get to hear from you. I’d rather hear from you than always having funny. That said. You are tremendously funny…and I bet even when you think you aren’t. Hugs you and just YAY!

  2. YEAHHHHHHHHHH!! Woodrow & Bella completely support your return to blog-ism πŸ˜‰ And to celebrate we are going to have one heck of a road trip for you to report back on!!!

  3. Yes, I squealed a little in my office when I saw you come up on my blogroll!! I have been thinking about you and hoping nobody was dead — it kinda felt wrong to email and say “so, hey are you dead?” Although I guess if you were there would be no reply.

    And don’t worry, I TOTALLY identify with the hiding out thing. Every night I stare at my kitchen in dismay, most often decide that boiling that water would be way too much effort and just walk away. It’s a long story, but…I get it.

    All the TFS hugs to you from both red boys and me. We have missed you dearly.

    1. I hereby grant permission to anyone to leave this comment, guilt-free:

      “Hey. Are you dead?”

      If god forbid, something catastrophic had happened, know I’d be laughing my head off at the irony!! Guilt free. Laughter. Win win.

      Thanks for getting it, means so much!

      1. Sweet, no one has ever given me actual PERMISSION to ask inappropriate questions before! Not that that stops me.

        I certainly have learned that there are actually WORSE things than dead and they abound, so know that you are never alone, even when the voices in your head try to convince you that you are.

        Scarlet said, “Tomorrow is another day.” I say, “F*ck tomorrow, I can only handle one day at a time. Oh yeah, and voices, f*ck you too. There is nothing wrong with having conversations with my cats.” Good cod, I even ramble on other people’s blogs….

  4. YAY!!! You’re BACK! WOOOOOHOOO!!

    I kept checking the blog instead of my rss because I thought there must be something wrong with it but alas, you weren’t there. I second what everyone else has said – you have been missed.

  5. Awesome to see you back. I’ve missed your posts and I was quite surprised to see a notification that you updated. This world needs more of your kind of humor. πŸ™‚

  6. That god the blog is up and running!
    Murphy is awesome. Super fuzzy. Hopefully there will be a Murphy Monday soon.
    Welcome back Jane!!! Woot woot!!!!

  7. Dear Hudson,
    Bucking is NAUGHTY. You will go to HELL if you are BUCKING.

    Unless bucking makes Mama laugh.

    Then you don’t go to hell.

    I don’t understand it either. Missed ya, buddy. Welcome back. Bite Woodrow for me, ‘kay?

    love, Fiddle

    1. Dear Fiddle,
      I so made her laugh. Until Woodrow joined in. Actually, it was kind of fun to see Jane flying in the air and landing back in the saddle with a whump. I’d like more of that.
      Go figure: sometimes we do the exact same thing that was sure to get us in Hell, and our moms laugh. Don’t get it. Only time I ever bucked with Jane? She made me gallop it out like a madman. Maybe it’s better if our moms aren’t on…
      Please, dear lady, consider Woodrow bitten on your behalf. I will be delighted to inform him it was by request.

    2. PS: tell your mom thank you for the cheery check ins and gentle nudges. Also, her book (Endurance 101) is hilarious, fun, and informative. I’ve laughed my way through it twice. Do tell her though, that I’m sending her The Bad Idea Fairy back as soon as I can pry her out of my life!

  8. I have wanted to read news from you for so long… so long. Have had horrible thoughts. Have had hopeful thoughts. Have hoped you were having such a wonderful life you just didn’t have time to blog. Here we all are. Sing us your song and we will harmonize

    1. If only I’d remembered how to use my WORDS! I’m so sorry to have worried you, and others. Completely unintended. I sing like a bullfrog (Shaun will verify this) but I will happily share my bullfrog song. I hope you do all join in!

  9. I was so excited to see your post that I spoke out loud. I am so happy that you are not dead and that you made it through hell. Truly. I had many conversations in my head about this that went something along the lines of:
    “I wonder if she’s okay. Maybe she’s, you know, passed on.
    Don’t be stupid. She’s just busy living.
    But I need to know about Hudson and Murphy. What about Daisy?
    I’m sure that someone would post to let us know if she was gone gone.
    But does she even know that she inspired me to start my own blog.about my new baby??
    Seriously? Get a life.
    Hmm I think she lives around San Francisco…
    you can’t stalk her. that would be wrong.
    But I want to KNOW!
    Don’t you have barn chores to do?

    sorry to subject you the voices in my head. I just wanted you to know that I am buckingly happy that you are back. πŸ™‚

    1. This made me laugh like a lunatic. It matches the kind of conversations the voices in my head have with each other. πŸ˜‰ In fact, one voice just thought: “Stalking, it’s not just for scary creeps anymore. A normal person thought about stalking, Jane! See? You’re not crazy.”
      Luckily my moderating voice kicks in: “Um. Duh. You’re insane!” Whew. Good to be grounded. πŸ˜‰

    1. Aw, I love you too! Ginger says hi. She can’t decide now between beaus, is it going to be Hudson, or that cute dark bay Arab down the row? (I advised her she could have both. They’ll never know. Thanks Laurie!

      1. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for everything. You mean the world to me and all that you’ve done to help out with Ginger is so appreciated. Words are not adequate, but please know I am so grateful. I know you’ve had more than your fair share to deal with and hope that once I am on the mend, I can pay it forward.

        Oh and Hudson is and always has been her mane man, the other horse is just a passing crush.

  10. Welcome back from your journey through hell. The pictures aren’t very nice, and it’s hard to share the trip with anyone who wasn’t on it with you but you’ve undoubtedly come back changed and stronger for the trip. The friends who leave little breadcrumbs or carrot crumbs to help us find our way back are irreplacable. Welcome back to all the love you can hold!

  11. You have been so missed! I felt like a stalker, checking once a week to see if there were signs of life. I was worried about someone I’ve never met, or even had private correspondence with, worried about all forms of tragedy, death, incarceration even!
    Thank you for posting, and even if it is a one liner, please, check in every so often. Big hugs to you!

    1. Ditto from another Beth. I’ve also been checking weekly to see if you’ve returned. I’ve so missed your humor and have hope that you and the gang were okay. So glad you’re back!

    2. Okay I was all teary and serious with you until we hit “incarceration”. Pardon me (pretending to cough) Bwahahahahahahahaha….choke….hee hee hee hee hee…who boy….hahahahahahahahaha. I confess. I robbed a bakery. Caught with frosting all over me. I’ve been rotting in jail since. (Though working the prison bakery has been fun?) πŸ™‚

  12. SO GLAD you are back to blogging (and that you’ve still been riding, even if you haven’t been writing…LOL), that was a loooooong absence from it and your posts were very missed! You and your family have been in my thoughts, and I’ve of course been wondering about Hudson and all the other horses/creatures in your life…Mondays just haven’t been the same without those Murphy updates! πŸ™‚ A very heartfelt welcome back, Jane!

    1. Hudson is full of opinions he’s dying to share and updates he’s been miffed at me for not making. He’s been quite disgruntled with my behavior since June. No sympathy from that quarter. Which feels totally right somehow?

      Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts, I believe it helps. I’m SO glad to be mostly recovered, (and that Daisy is not incarcerated over having to kill me.)

      Thank you thank you!

      1. Daisy texted me today at my new not-in-front-of-computer-all-day; job, telling me I had to read replies first thing when I got home. “People thought you were dead, now do you get it?!?”

        I’m so blown away by the sweetness, kindness and warmth of your words. And I’m sorry I scared you. Many things fell apart in quick succession, and I did fine, until suddenly, I didn’t. I went looking for Fine, tried faking Fine, even tried to Ohm Fine (remember, California) into existence.

        Fine was history. The best I could do was keep my family together, and sob on an unsympathetic (but hilarious!) Hudson. Many good things are starting now that the dust has settled a bit. New job is exactly what I want, love and need. But you will be hearing more about that!

        Thank you all for your generosity of spirit, and beautiful beautiful words.

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