Hudson, here, hacking into the blog. Tip of the carrot to Smokey; thank you my lady, for tiptoeing on the keyboard.
Jane’s been tending to a sick family member, barfing (whatever THAT is) dog, and healing the wheeled box that brings her to me. Yes, I do know it’s called a car. But it can’t haul a trailer. Therefore, it doesn’t deserve to be recognized appropriately.
Jane. We need to review. Again.
I am aware you have limited brain capacity, and can’t help it; humans are simply born that way. (Listen to the Lady Gaga song. Finally, a human that gets it.) Trust me, I take your disability into account daily.
How I wish humans could think in concrete, logical terms.
I am not going to leave this on.
Note I have hooves. Without fingers, I unable to make the Vulcan sign of greeting. Please take this into account when torturing me with costumes.
I might have stuck my tongue out at you. However, your childish behavior does permit response in kind.
What is that training axiom? You have to deal with the human that shows up.
The way you have shown up lately is unacceptable, and my attempts to work with you have failed. Thus the hacking.
Let’s review your misconceptions by turning the tables:
- I am going to tie your head to a post and hose you down. With cold water. Then I’ll lather you with – smelly stuff – cleaning in your most private areas, and spray more cold water on you. You will be cold and soaking wet for approximately an hour.
- Then you will be left alone, tied by the head, in the sun to “air dry”, where every passing human can see you.
- Before you’re completely dry, I will move you to a scenic location, tie your head to a rail, whip out a camera (of course I know what they are), and take a picture of you doing….Absolutely. NOTHING.
- This photo will prove you are completely useless and merely decorative, and therefore, likely to be shipped off to “a farm in the country”.
Forgive me if I do not want to pose in a way that will prompt a call to the glue factory. There is no WAY I am going to look “nice” on purpose.
Please recall, I am:
- a guy: we do not want to look “nice”. We want to look fiercely handsome.
- willing to have any action pics taken at any time. I will re-post visual aids:
Now these are some fine shots. Guy shots.
May I make a suggestion? I’m okay with
wimpy dressage action shots. Ginger’s mom offered to photograph, take her up on that.
Catch me on a day I want to run, ask me to trot, and get some photos of me cantering in place.
I believe there is spinning in dressage, only you call it something
frilly French. (Well, of course I speak French. I have all those hours to kill when you’re not there: Rosetta. Stone.) I like this one, because it’s done at the canter. What was it? Oh yes, pirouette. That trotting in place thing is cool, I’d be onboard with that. It’s the only antsy movement sanctioned in dressage.
You know I DO antsy beautifully.
Hmm…end every session with your human on a good note.
This is what you are doing well:
- 5 pounds of carrots a day is sufficient. I’m proud of you for attaining the goal.
- my regular chiropractic appointments
- graining before you ride (the goal is to grain before AND after, plz note.)
- if we ignore overly clean, you do an excellent job making me handsome
- daily exercise. That’s just the bomb.
- cooling out with company. Ginger’s hot.
- and I might have liked that squeezy thing you do around my neck.
Tres bien, ma petite chou!