A Few Words from Hudson on Grooming and The Cattle Drive

What Jane said about spring yesterday?  Yeah, good.  Whatever. Sunshine, butterflies, clouds and kittens. Yawn.

Jane, we need to have a little chat.

Grooming overview:

  • Mud is good. A little mud won’t hurt a guy.
  • Mud gives a dude that tough, rough, and ready look.
  • You don’t have to understand. It’s a cowboy thing.

Bring me in, scrape a square off my back, and throw on the gear, okay? Five minutes for grooming, max. No half-an-hour stuff.  Let’s GO. When did you decide I need a daily show-horse grooming? Do you know how much galloping time we lose? I’m a camping dude. I don’t care if there is a tree branch in my tail or my mane is sticking straight up.

No one cares if I look like a horse cutout of the Great Salt Flats. No. One.  Especially me. Fine. I like a good grooming. Say, 15 minutes, once a week.  If you’re going to do this daily curry, use-every-stupid-brush-in-the-box regimen, (hellooooo, just do the itchy parts, K?), followed by toweling, you must put food in front of me.

Lots of food.  A trash can full is appropriate.

Grooming Golden Rule:

The food must outlast the time it takes you to “groom”. It should also be grain.  And carrots.  Fine to toss in a few cookies. Please remember I hate apples.

I totally freaked out because of you. I should not be able to see any part of my face reflected anywhere in my coat.  I thought another horse was leaping out of my shoulder! That’s sick. And wrong. Jeeze.  Can’t a guy scratch an itch without having a heart attack? C’mon, Jane.

Thank god I’m shedding.  Finally. Bye, bye hearts. Use the shedding blade on those please. Frequently.  In fact, forget the rest of the grooming, I’ll live with mud under the saddle pad. Concentrate on shedding out those hearts my long hair.

I think Vlad’s mom has a Furminator.  Borrow it.

Now.  About moving cows this coming Sunday.

  1. I should be appropriately muddy.
  2. There will be cows: that’s what a cattle drive is.  Moving cows.  K?
  3. I am a cow horse.
  4. Do what the real cowgirls say.
  5. Let me do my job.
  6. Do NOT fall off. I repeat.  DO NOT FALL OFF.
  7. You may not embarrass me in front of the other cow horses.
  8. Blend in. Try to look like a cowgirl, maybe the other horses won’t notice the DQ aura.
  9. Don’t pretend you know what you’re doing.
  10. Do act like you can handle it. You can. You have me. ‘Nuff said.

Got it, Jane? Ixnay on the groomingay, and relax, I can do cows in my sleep.

Oh crap. Make sure you borrow tack from Bella.

If you try to ride in your dressage saddle, I will, um, accidentally…nevermind. Let’s get clear: I will BUCK you off.

14 thoughts on “A Few Words from Hudson on Grooming and The Cattle Drive

  1. Dear Hudson,
    You may be a rough tough handsome cowpony, but some of us need a daily full-body facial. It’s essential. How else could I look so pretty while spooking at a tree stump or a squirrel or some air molecules? You would not believe how long it takes to get my beautiful flowing mane with just the right amount of product to give that everlasting touseled look. My Little Pony toys are good practice for anybody who wants to be near a pretty little mare like moi. I hope my dad reads this, because he really prefers your method which is obviously entirely WRONG.
    kisses 4-ever,
    Hana (Fiddle’s roommate)

    Dear Hudson,
    She means it. It’s pathetic. Save me from the Product Princess, please? I promise I won’t kick you much if you just get her pretty little face out of my food bucket. I think mud is fine. It’s got vitamins and stuff.
    your buddy,

  2. Loved it! When I go to the ranch I take a lot of heat for the braided tail and grooming. Grant tells me, “Hurry up, we’re not going to a parade!”.
    Of course, I’m the only one that doesn’t have a horse with a tail full of cockleburs when we’re done but I don’t really think that impresses him.
    PS. I ride a mare and I’m pretty sure she likes to be the girl that looks good while she’s kickin cow ass!

  3. I’m looking to add cattle drive photos to my portfolio, and would really like to meet the ranchers and talk about more photo possibilities. Is it possible to attend this cattle drive with my camera?


    1. Hi JC, I removed your email address from the comment for your privacy (but can put it back if you like?) and I’ll ask the rancher if she’s open to having a photographer along!

  4. Under the circumstances, I second the recommendation for borrowed tack while working cattle (but not the mud under the saddle pad). HAVE FUN — Hudson will! 😀

  5. I tell the gals at the barn that my old guy, Big, is the labrador retriever of horses. If there’s a mud hole to wallow in, he’ll find it. However, Big differs from Hudson in that he coats himself in mud just so you HAVE to spend a half-hour (or longer) cleaning it off. “Oooo, oooo. A little more here. Don’t miss this spot. Ahhhh, right there.” By the way, I’m a devoted fan of “Slick ‘n Easy” bricks for getting rid of that shedding hair.

    1. Unfortunately, I think you nailed it. Jane seems all hearts and flowers, then wham: stubbornness up the yin yang. Usually smiling, if you can believe that. Who smiles when they dig in their heels?!

      Sit stay? I think I know that from the little annoying biting things…I’ll try.

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