Horses Fix Everything

Okay.  Maybe not the leaky faucet. But they do make darn good therapists.

For a number of reasons (menopause, menopause, and menopause) my emotional life has been…a roller coaster of deteriorating states of angst.  Nothing is wrong.

I’m reliving puberty without the sense of invincibility and entitlement.  I think Nature made an eensy mistake with the timing.  Moms should not go through hormonal roller coasters at the same time as their kids.  That is so wrong.

Yesterday Shaun suggested we hire help for the house cleaning.  What would most women feel in this situation?


What does Jane feel?

FAIL. I can’t even keep the house clean.  I SUCK.  I don’t want no stinkin cleaning service.  I can do it!  Really!!

It’s almost like I’m looking for angst.

  • Hudson has an abscess!  On no!  I’ve only treated thousands of abscesses!!  Whatever will I do??!
  • Oh no!  I can’t get the entire house clean in one day anymore.  I’m becoming elderly!! I’m going to start forgetting everything any day now!!!
  • Friend and I find we agree on some things, agree to disagree on others.  We are not perfectly aligned!  The friendship is doomed!!!!
  • The dog hasn’t been walked before noon every day this week.  Bad, bad mom. I do not deserve to be loved.
  • I forgot to meet Micah in an online game on Monday (the family that kills together…no that can’t be right?). He’ll spend the rest of his life resenting me, and develop abandonment issues. I missed helping him maim and slay!!!
  • I have age spots.  I’m going to start forgetting everything any day now!!! (But not the age spots, those I’ll remember.) What was I saying?

By the time I arrived at the barn, I was trying not to cry, and fully aware that I was completely psycho.

I turned the boys out into the sunshine (not fully registering it’s warm and sunny, helllllooooo…nice opportunity for cheering up…), and watch them roll and kick up a bit. Hudson looks fairly sound, that’s good.  I let them play in blanket-less joy and go ready what we’ll need for today’s care.

I ride Dinero bareback, and pony Hudson.  I can watch H move, stretch Dinero out, and don’t have to hike. (Oh Lord.  I’m lazy too!  Lazy and forgetful!  What did my mom say was next?  Oh yeah, shiftlessness.  Doomed.  I’m doomed.)

Dinero helped.  He’s sweet and kind, and doesn’t ruffle easily.  He walked out happily and ignored my perfect storm of feelings about absolute balderdash.  Hudson looked sound.

I stop sniffling.  Hudson looks sound!  Dinero was making me laugh.  Part of “getting stuff ready” was putting Dinero’s grain in their paddock.  He goes in solo first, so Hudson doesn’t muscle him away from his food.

Dinero decided that the better he marched, the faster he’d get his grain.

March march march march. I half expected John Phillip Sousa to pop out of the tack room with a band. Hudson had to break into bits of trotting to keep up.  By the time Lily arrived, I’d stopped sniffling, noticed it was warm and pretty, and began to understand the real problem: I’m psycho, can’t help it; gonna have to ignore it.

I stop the boys and talk to Lily.  Dinero cocks a hoof and yawns.  He’s sleepy, warmed by the sun.  Hudson does something he’s never done with me before.  With Dinero starting in on the ZZz’s, Hudson sidled up, and lays his head across my lap, listening to Lily and I talk, looking a little sleepy himself.

Lily said “Do you have a camera on  your phone?  We have to get this!”  I gave her my cell.  And Hudson hugged me, thrilling me to pieces.  It’s the first time.

It was the best possible dose of Psycho No More.


They do fix everything.


21 thoughts on “Horses Fix Everything

  1. I don’t know where I got this concept, but I always think that Dinero is a little white pony. Glad to finally see a picture of him! Love the hug from Hudson, that’s completely awesome.

    This line really made me laugh though: “I’m psycho, can’t help it; gonna have to ignore it.” That pretty much sums up my life some days!

  2. Love, love, love, love those pictures. I just KNEW that Hudson loves you WAY more than you ever let on to us. How could he not? What’s not to love?

  3. That was a beautiful story 🙂

    I agree, every time G has offered to get a maid (because he doesn’t want to clean, and he doesn’t want to listen to me bitch about cleaning) I have come totally unglued. What kind of awful failure am I that I can’t clean my own house!!

    I am really not looking forward to reliving my irrational teenage years. I hope I have a long time to go before that happens 😦

    1. I find this strangely relieving, that I’m not the only person who comes unglued at the suggestion we hire a housecleaning service.

      I thought I was going to miss out on reliving my teenaged (horrific) mood swings. I’ve been off hormone replacement therapy for two years, with reasonably tolerable hot and cold flashes. Weird that this started a couple of months ago.

      Bouncer? Could you please escort the insecure wreck of sobbing self to the exit? Let in the confident, secure one please.

  4. A picture like that really does remind one that there is peace and beauty in the world. The more I spend with horses, the more I want to let the rest of the world devour itself (except, of course, where it might infirnge on my perfect little piece of pasture).

  5. Bliss.

    I strongly recommend the patch. Menopause is awful. I was cranky and almost quit my very good job 6 times until I got on the patch and returned to human form.

    1. Sob. I miss the patch. Safe. Effective. Bonus: it equalled Sane Jane. I started menopause in my mid thirties, way too soon. Not the pre-menopause, but the real thing. Went on the patch, went on my merry way. 20 years later my doc is saying “Jane, you really need to get off the patch now”.

      I’m trying alternative stuff. Laughter seems to be the best alternative!

      1. Are you sure we’re not related? I’m 44 and I’ve been in official menopause for 4 years. I haven’t taken any hormones and the hot flashes and night sweats are gone but sometimes the mood swings get to me. Nearly in tears during my lessons lately because I’m not worthy.

        (Late chiming in as usual.)

  6. So, there is truth to the saying, “There is something about the outside of a horse that is good for the inside of a woman”!
    I love the pictures. Moments like that make it all worth while.
    I’m glad the day had some upbeat times. Don’t be so hard on yourself!

  7. Charles Schultz only said that “happiness is a warm puppy” because Charlie Brown didn’t have a horse.

    Happiness is a gigantic, big-headed, stubborn, expensive, lovelylovelylovely horse.

  8. Reading this post, and your blog in general, fixes everything!!! 🙂 Absolutely adore the photos, they’re heartwarming!!! Horses really do heal whatever ails us!!!

  9. I can’t believe I’m actually going to say this “out loud”, but I would go so far as to say that horses are even better than chocolate (which is REALLY saying something! ;o)

    1. I’ll agree with that. Chocolate has guilt attached, with all that fat and sugar it contains. Mucking around with horses is good for your head, your heart, and your waist line, and no regrets afterward, even if you’re at it all day! Sure, sometimes you’ll be a bit sore, but it’s that good stretchy soreness you get when you know you’ve had a good work-out.

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