My Horse Leaves Instructions for Me With the Barn Manager

York Regional Road 55
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Dear Jane,

The barn manager said you are sick again.  Get over it.  I need to do stuff.  Bring food.

Enough with the apples.  Hate.  Apples.  Smashing one and putting it in my grain does not make it more palatable.  It makes my grain harder to eat.  Annoying.

Get an iPod.  Download Enya.  Take Valium.  Drink that nasty smelling stuff those fox hunting people drink.  (Why anyone would want to drink liniment is beyond me, but it does seem to calm them down.)  Just please, please stop thinking so loud. And that whole plan-your-ride  dressage thing?  No one needs to think THAT far ahead.  Memorize a test, forget about it, cue me when it’s time.

Dinero does not deserve oats.  Give him the apples.  Give me the oats.

Ride him first, please.  It will bug the crap out of him.

I do not have a Mrs. Pasture’s addiction.  I can quit any time I want. Cookies happen to sharpen my concentration better than carrots for stretching exercises. Keep it up.

Bella said I should thank you too, for letting me go play with cows. Man I love that trailer.

Speaking of cows…just go on the next cattle drive. What,  I’m gonna let something happen? It’s my JOB. All you have to do is not fall off.  That’s it.  The only thing you have to do.  I think you can handle that, don’t you?

Um.  There’s no tactful way to say this: take a lesson.  Soon.

Hate the hearts on my butt.  I heard  you say some baloney about how I’m the King of Hearts. What?  Are you ten?  Shave them off please.

I might be a little sorry I kicked you.  FYI though? You were being stupid.

BTW, my blanket might have a teeny little rip in it…

Ruby is cute. I would like to share the paddock with her please.

I do not deserve correction for stepping away from the mounting block while you’re in the air. I’m helping you build your reflexes.  No.  Really.  You haven’t fallen, right?  See.  It works.

Cross ties make no sense.  Please tie me up normally, so I face something.

If it gets really stormy, you could throw some bedding in the feed room.  It would be a cramped, but I’d manage.

The Sore No More?  Ambrosia.  Daily would be good.

I know you need practice opening and closing gates?  But you seem to get easily confused, just let me deal with it, okay?  Otherwise we’ll be there forever.  It’s a gate.  Not rocket science.

Sorry you got the flu, but don’t forget to come rub out my shoulder.  It’s finally starting to feel better.  (You know, galloping helps everything. We could do that instead of walking around on the bit.)

I think that’s it.  Oh.  My tail needs cleaning and I’m out of carrots again.  Also, I’d like a fleece cooler and a shoulder guard you can stick heat packs into.  And really, we need to do a lot more running.  A LOT more.  Can you call my massage therapist?  I think that would help.

Yeah, I like you okay.



12 thoughts on “My Horse Leaves Instructions for Me With the Barn Manager

  1. I added a page on my blog where I want to feature, one at a time, some great posts from other blogs, in the hopes of sending people around to read more blogs. Can I copy this one to that page? Full credit and links of course.

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