Dont’ Wake Me Up When It’s Over

The sofa is barren, the walls have been wiped down, the Easter Bunny cried long and hard over his rejection by teens too grown up to receive jelly beans, and Shaun has managed, with the help of WD-40, to pry the kitchen utensils from my hands.

In turn, I’ve managed to cut the steering wheel out of her death grip, and held an intervention to make her remember she married me, not the grill.  (Or Angelina Jolie.)

Christmas has found every item we didn’t know we lost (yet) and thoughtfully put it in the trash (read gnawed it to oblivion and hid it somewhere).  Every item we know we lost is still missing. It’s another one of those laws of physics.

We had a decent nap an inspiring sermon in church yesterday, and the kids went to artfully accessorize the reclinable surfaces in front of Aunt Lolly’s TV.

There is no chaos.  Nothing is moving. The sun is shining.  Horses are waiting.  It’s downright spooky.

There is a faint, slightly sinister sound emanating from the 5th or 6th overflowing laundry basket.  Quite possibly something has sprung – living – from the primordial soup in one of the kid’s rooms, and it will probably get me.  If so, I thank you for your kindness, and I bid you farewell.  It’s been a good life.

If not, how can you do 3 loads of laundry a day, and still end up with LAUNDRY?  Well we did have a day at the beach.  That would account for at least 4 loads.  And the slightly tropical feel of the flooring.  (Isn’t that a nice spin on sand on every surface?  Can you tell I’m trying to justify leaving the whole mess and going riding?)

I only ate 6…okay 10…well maybe 14 double stuffed Oreos.

Fine.  It was half a box.  I had to keep my blood sugar up for the sake of the children.  I’m actually very selfless.

I’ll be comparing riding breech waist sizes to see which ones are the largest before I even THINK about putting them on.  I can already imagine the OOFs I’m gonna get when I hit the saddle.

I  had time to text Daisy last night:

J: What are you doing?

D: Favorite: slasher videos…total clicker control.  Heaven.  You?

J: Nothing.  I think I hear the sound of myself thinking.

D: Really???

J: Kids are at Aunt Lolly’s.  Only random ones left, and I can shoo them home to parents.

D: What are you eating then?!

J: Who says I’m eating??  Fine.  All the candy they were too old for this year.  2 baskets, no takers.  Too much?

D: Stopppppppppppp!!!!  Did you toss the Oreos?

J: Well…

That’s about when my phone rang, and I got verbal intervention to pack up the last of the treat foods.  Daisy stayed on the line while I  snagged a kid off the street, and stuffed two grocery sacks of junk food and (sob) Easter candy into his very surprised little hands.  I’m sure his mom is grinding her teeth at me from behind closed doors and polite proclamations of isn’t that nice of them.

We’re such good neighbors.

3 thoughts on “Dont’ Wake Me Up When It’s Over

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