The Bomb Proof Marriage

Some poor soul typed these words into Google on Valentine’s day, and clicked “search”:

How to Bomb Proof Your Marriage

I tried to imagine how it must have felt, after googling THAT, to have ended up in front of The Literary Horse reading a post on The Bomb Proof Horse.

My heart went out to whoever it was.

Who doesn’t want a bomb proof marriage?  On Valentine’s Day.  What would make someone enter that string of words into Google?  Desperation?  Sadness? Determination?  Excited and researching?  Frustration?  Some “love guru’s” book deal?

I have this driving need to fix things.  Electrical outlets, kid’s boo-boos, any horse with an undone blanket strap.    I wanted to fix whatever this was about for whoever typed in those words.  I started thinking.  (Not necessarily a good idea, but this hasn’t stopped me in the past.) A bomb proof marriage is about as realistic an idea as the bomb proof horse.  However, a well sacked out horse is a much easier animal to live with comfortably and safely.  Hmm.

Why do we assume the last trainer sacked out our spouses?  Geeze, that could go all the way back to mom and dad.  Or (shudder)The Awful Ex.  Given that I am somewhat of an expert at blowing it with my kids during their sacking out, it follows (in my thinking…which is why I resist the urge to do so) that my spouse’s early sacking out may have been just as incompetent incomplete.  I could prevent a lot of spooking, bolting, and bucking while creating that deep bond of mutual trust and respect. Right?

A deliberate action plan, that’s what I need.  I tried to think of the spookiest things that pop up unexpectedly in a marriage.  What invokes the flight mechanism?

  • Spending Money on ridiculous stuff:
    • Did you really need to buy a bigger flat screen TV when you know I’m saving for custom show boots??
  • Spending Time in ridiculous ways:
    • You’re reading?  On the weekend?  Can’t you see the lawn needs mowing?  Can you get to that while I’m out at the barn?
  • Kid Management: otherwise known as adult regression:
    • “Your turn.”
    • “Nuh-unh!  it’s YOUR turn.”
    • “Is NOT.”
    • “Is TOO.”
    • “YOU’RE the one who said they could have a sleep over!”
    • “So?  I supervised LAST time.”
    • “Yeah?  Who cleaned the silly string out of the heating ducts after you ‘supervised’?”
  • House Management:
    • Whose job is THAT, and why is it always MINE?
  • The I Love You paradigm:
    • Why can’t you SEE me? Otherwise known as: I Do Love You, You Idiot…didn’t I just;
      • take out the trash
      • put my dishes IN the sink (How am I supposed to know we have a dishwasher?)
      • watch the 1,000 repeat of the Spongebob dancing jellyfish episode with the kids?
  • The You-Were-Single-Then Couch
    • commonly referred to as The Bachelor Couch
  • The You-Were-Single-Then Comforter & Matching Dust Ruffle (pink cabbage roses)
  • Garage needs vs. Horse needs
  • Clicker:
    • hiding
    • sharing
    • breaking
    • Don’t give me that look.  You know exactly what I mean.  I saw you looking!

Care to add?  Next installment we’ll look at ways to sack out our significant others.  What worked for you?  (Read: uh, I haven’t figured this out yet, HELP.)

tip of the helmet to WordPress (great blog host) for providing the info…

Copyright © 2009. The Literary Horse. All rights reserved.


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